ran's random thoughts...

im not the one who usually writes the blogs, as most of you know...but tonight i feel like rambling on about a few random thoughts. crystal had told me that a co-worker of hers had asked her what her hopes for the world are. what her dreams were, what she thought of the war in iraq. he video taped her and her answers in the event florida gets hit by a devastating hurricane and we all died. (the guys seems to be a real optimist here hua?) she didnt tell me her answers and the conversation moved on before i got a chance to ask her what she said.

to me, its amazing that we care so much for the people in our lives but do we really know the inner most, deepest thoughts and feelings of those we love. i would say no. you may think you know, and you may have known at one time, but i say all we truly know is the truth inside us. most of the time that truth is even clouded. the only thing we can honestly say is that we love each other. but what is love? i often ask kaiden what love means to him. we always say, "i love you" in our house, but i wondered what it means to him. sometimes he says "i dont know." other times he says "it means kindness". but one day he said, "love means when you see someones heart and you think its beautiful" how true...

so before i ramble on any more, i just want to tell all of you that "i love you" i see beauty in all of your souls. and i am truly grateful to have crystal, kaiden, karla, lee, brandi, mom, dad, sandi, pa, samantha, steve, jenn, claire, brandon, mark, adam, marty, andre, george, jill, marie, janaris, mikey, melissa, mike, rich, ryan, (i think thats all of you that read the blog) if there is anyone i forgot, i apologize, im being all emo right now! haha.

you ever get that feeling that your lost? you just dont know where you are, or where your going? you just feel so small? i guess im saying is that ive clouded myself from the truth...and im again waking...

so if any of you ever wanted to know my responses to the three questions above, here they are; my hopes for the world...i hope we all find our way home. home to me, is when you have completed your training, the tasks you were sent here to learn, you return to the creator. the tasks most greatly at steak are humility, respect, honesty, compassion and cooperation. i hope the world wakes up to these realizations...

my personal dreams; it is my greatest fear that i will be a bad dad. it just crushes me when i realize that ive been too hard on kaiden. i often forget that he is only 4 years old. i can proudly say that i have let my past come full circle. all past trials have been put to rest. i guess that is where i am right now, im resting...

the war in iraq; i do not stand for violence. ive never even held a gun. even as a kid i never played with guns, i would always choose to be the indian, with the bow. violence accomplishes nothing. my heart aches for those who are in the service, and for the families who are enduring without. i have a friend who is a marine, i went to his graduation ceremony. i was very proud of him, and his choice. i find those who serve very honorable, driven and brave. but fighting over religion is one of the most simple, weak, and ignorant reasons to fight. people are too quick to discriminate and segregate instead of embracing our differences and learning from each other. the politics surrounding the war are plagued with lies and deception. its our decision, as a whole to find an answer. call your fucking house representative or senator to vote in your favor. make a difference. the only person you can change is yourself...